An Explanation of the KISS reviews

The KISS reviews that were posted earlier on this blog were the result of a back and forth between myself and a few old college buddies.  Most of us maintained that KISS is a band that is given far too much credit by the fans and really have little business being in the hall of fame.   One of my pals insisted that I give their 70s catalog a listen and see if my opinion changes.  So I took him up on the offer, listening to every KISS studio album released in the 1970s in less than 12 hours.

Two conclusions can be drawn from this:
1.  I should as an adult have more pressing things to do with my time, but sadly I don't. 
2.  KISS wrote some terribly atrocious music that never should've seen the light of day.  The fact that some of the songs on those 70s albums made it out onto store shelves is intriguing in that they had to get approved by the guys in the band, then the producer, the label execs, and so on and so forth.  The number of people involved makes it astonishing that these things got through.  These songs also explain why it took so long for KISS to break big....they needed the time to come up with enough good songs to play live and re-release as greatest hits/live albums.

Please don't look to the reviews below for any intrinsic linguistic worth...you will find none.  This was a project full of sincerity and an intense focus on listening.  The responses were mostly composed on my notepad contained on my Iphone while walking and working out.  They were nothing more than evidence that I truly listened to each song on each release before drawing conclusions.

Ultimately I would have to say, in spite of Eddie Trunk's frequent insistence on his radio show and That Metal Show, that KISS don't belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  They did some cool stuff but the excellence is only a fraction of what they've created.  They were ripoff artists who stole from Alice Cooper and The NY Dolls.  The only reason they had so much influence was because they were more media savvy and television friendly than those other acts. But as I type and try to build the case about the Hall of Fame I realize that the Rock N' Roll HOF has much lower standards than the original HOF.  To make the Baseball Hall of Fame you have to show that you have longevity in your excellence and your excellence must exceed that of your peers in the time you were competing.  The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame seems far less exacting in their criteria and seem to go on popular opinion and even a single good album can get you in (ie. Guns N' Roses).  A single good season does not get a player into the Baseball HOF.

The bottom line is that KISS is not as good as you remember them.  Most people think of the hits...listen to the deep cuts and you will find a band that is very, very suspect and isn't worthy of very much respect. 

KISS - Love Gun

1.  I Stole Your Love -  I had never previously heard this and it's the first one in the catalog that i hadn't heard and actually liked. Most bands have deep cuts that are better than the hits.  Kiss is not one of those bands.  Great song .  A+

2. Christine Sixteen -  pedophile rock.  Gene's voice over is even creepier.  Ok song..."she's been around but she's young and clean."  What the fuck is going on here?  The best thing this song has going for it is the weird factor.  C+

3.  Got Love for Sale -  cool guitars and great bass sound.  Crappy vocals and crappy chorus but at this point in the catalog you have to expect that.  I should've figured that out to be their signature much earlier.  I do like the clean guitars on this.  C

4.  Shock Me -  Ace should've sung more in this band.  Good rocker but the tempo isn't right.  Another song ruined by the studio.  B

5.  tomrrow and tonight -  partridge family or the osmonds.  Another cool solo in the middle.  Ace is the strongest link in this band....Wait, this should be on a Meatloaf album.  At least he'd add sincerity and sweat.  F

6.  Love gun-  how does the same band write this and that last sonic abortion?  It would make sense if they were all heavy drug abusers but gene and paul are teetotalers.  maybe they should've partied more.   Paul's vocals are inspired and the bass just pummels.  drums stay steady and ace shreds again.  A+

7.  Hooligan -  good up until (insert adjective for bad/shit/crap/turd  here , I'm out of words and have reached my limit for dumping on something ) chorus.  Sounds like another outtake from a Black Oak Arkansas album...i'm starting to sound like a broken record and am wishing that someone wouldve done more to break Kiss albums before they hit the shelves.  D

8.  Almost Human - Starts out with some great guitars interplaying with bass and drums...kick ass vocals.  dirty rock.  cool harmonic/falsetto freaky chorus vocals.  this song is kick ass.  i had also missed this one before today and love it.  Sounds like early Judas Priest  at first.  A

9.  Plaster Caster -  better than most of their mundane shit but nothing special.  C+

10.  Then She Kissed Me -   if this were ironic it'd be sort of funny but the fact that it's indistinguishable from any of the other Jersey Boys type shit they've spurting forth throughout their careers lets you know they are dead serious....horrible.  D -

Overall:  C

Kiss - Destroyer

1.  Detroit Rock City -  Everything works.  Love the Bass line.  song has high energy.  the extended beginning and stupid sound effects need to go.  I want to hear music...if i wanted a story with sound effects i'd watch a movie.  Cool use of piano with this track.  Iron Maiden/Judas priest style dual leads.  A+

2.  King of the Night Time world -  starts off like it's going to be good but it sucks.  I'm starting to feel like Charlie Brown kicking the football...I think the songs are going to be good and then Kiss ruins them with shitty choruses and poor songwriting.  Kiss is the Lucy of rock n' roll.  Stop fucking with us you bastards.  Like the two face girlfriend in Seinfeld...sometimes she looks pretty and then the light changes...you want her to be pretty but then you see her from a different angle and ugh, limp.  D-

3.  God of thunder -  Great drudging riff....should be heavier, more distortion, more bass, down tuned...something other than Gene's ugly delivery to give it actual thunder.  Dump the stupid sound effects.  Just because Kiss starting learning their way around the studio after 5 albums doesn't mean they need to play around...B  (easily could've been an A+)

4.  Great Expectations -  I would rather eat an uncooked goat cock than to have to listen to that again.  F

5.  Flaming Youth -  another showtune. Something's flaming...but it's not this song.  F

6.  Sweet Pain -  verse is ok.  Chorus needs more help than Stephen Hawking with walking.  Some cool interplay between the bass and guitars. ...but that's the only thing saving this from another F.  D

7.  Shout it out loud-  I know it's a hit but it's shit.  Repetitive.  Coolest part is the use of the piano (might be the bass strings).  C

8.  Beth - again, peter's voice is solid.  the flutes and shit have got to go.  Just throw in a few sparse strings with the piano.  sound like the sound track to a touching family drama from the 70s.  Far over produced.  C

9.  do you love me-  more shtick.  crap.  simple.  dull.  D

10.  Rock and Roll Party - what the fuck?  If i was in a record store in 1978 i'd be all like wow, 10 new songs from kiss let me buy this but then i'd get home and hear it and get to the last song hoping for some redemption after suffering through the last 5 songs and then i'd be all like wow...i'm disappointed.  I would like to interview these tool bags to see what the exact intent and artistic vision was on this jizzbomb.   this doesn't even get a letter...totally undeserving of any label.  If this was a face it would be rocky dennis.  if this were a president it would be gw bush.  if this were a piece of candy it would be necco wafers. 

Overall grade : D

Kiss - Rock and Roll Over

1. I Want  You - great ballady opening.  Soft and then boom...it blows up and fires on all cylinders.  A+

2.  Take Me -  cool rock and roll riffing.  Bass sounds good.  Uptempo rocker.  B

3.  Calling Dr. Love -  great classic simple riff.  Cool cowbell.  This song simply rocks.  Cool falsetto chorus singing.  the dual guitars on this one make it a solid addition to any rock playlist.  A+

4.  Ladies room -  should've been an instrumental.  lyrics and vocals are terrible.  C-

5.  Baby Driver- dated  70s rock but not totally lost.  At least it moves and once again Ace saves the day.  B-

6.  Love 'em and Leave 'em -  nothing here that hasn't been somewhere on the previous albums.  Only Ace's playing is interesting.  Cool phaser sound effect.  Ace does some cool stuff with his switches too.....but the song sucks.  D

7.  Mr. Speed -  Jim Dandy and Black Oak Arkansas weren't this cheesy.  F

8.  See you in your Dreams -  shit. Utter and total shit.  another flat boring chorus. My turds splashing in the toilet are more musical.  F (only because there is no lower letter grade).

9.  Hard Luck Woman -  good vocal by Peter.  cool tune but only slightly above average and really only stands out because the last 3 songs make you wish you were a suicide bomber.  B-

10.  Making love-  starts out with great riffing.  Song blazes.  Some shit parts but the uptempo pace and energy win out.  B


Overall :  C

Kiss - Dressed to Kill

1. Room Service -  hokey and show-tunish.  Dated.  horribly simplistic.  F

2.  Two Timer-  better but not good.  good solo.  another super simple and dull chorus.  C-

3.  Ladies in Waiting-  the album is still improving but the chorus it complete and utter garbage.  C+

4.  Getaway -  it's peppier than the other songs.  Cool interplay between the two guitars.  solid bassline.  Blazing solo.  Cowbell bonus!  B-

5.  Rock Bottom - great intro.  Everything works.  Good guitars, songwriting, and vocals.  A+

6.  C'mon and Love Me- the live version is much better.  Decent song but falls flat.  B-

7.  Anything for My Baby - another clunker.  same shit chorus again.  C-

8.  She - great sludge tune. Dark Vocals.  A

9.  Lover Her All I Can -  It grooves but it's dated and it sucks.  I can see Paul doing his flamboyant dances all over with this one.  This is the sound of his itty bitty rose tattoo.  The main riff is all right but the song sucks.  Some fun drums before the solo.  C-

10.  Rock and Roll All Night - Great anthem but again, the chorus sort of sucks.  The rest of the song moves and grooves. Cool funky bass.  Peter bangs pretty hard but song is underdeveloped and could've been better.  B

 Overall Grade :  C

KISS- Hotter Than Hell

1.  Got To Choose -  sound murky, muddled, slow, and dull.  Did KISS invent grunge in 1974?  Like a couple of tracks on the debut it sounds like it was recorded at the wrong speed.  I've heard this song on Alive! and it sounds much better.  The studio does not capture this song in a good light. If I hear "who's your baby" one more time I'm kicking a puppy.  D

2.  Parasite - this is good.  great movement to start.  uptempo and moving...can bob the head to this one.  This is guitar rock 101!  peter plays well with ace again.  having trouble hearing gene on this.   usually the drummer plays with the bassist...here it's peter and ace.  sounds like early pennywise with no bass or metallica's justice...maybe this is the metal sound they were going for when they took jason out of the mix. ...all distorted treble...B+

3.  Goin' Blind - back to the Melvins-style sludge rock.  Gene's vocals are bad.....really bad.  painful actually.  is this a ballad?  fuckin' horrible.  if i were in a band and a guy came to the table with this i'd work to get him out...this is total shit.  i wish i were goin' deaf...even Ace's leads are trite and uninspired here ..F

4.  Hotter Than Hell -  Good rockin' groove to open.  Another song with the start stop thing going on.  good vocals..raw.  Good rock n' roll lyrics about a pretty lady.  the murky production makes it land a bit flat though. And the drum fills seem a bit clunky.  Cowbell is a plus.  You can never go wrong with cowbell. Sort of a redundant song though...it goes nowhere.   B-

5.  Let Me Go Rock N' Roll -  another one for the honky tonk.   Good leads by Ace once again though.  Dull....got that Broadway cheese again...Ace's playing saves the song. C+

6.  All the Way - sounds like a bunch of guys fucking around at practice trying to come up with something.  And it's not working. Awkward riffing.  Flat vocals.  No groove, no rock.  More Broadway honky tonk....i do like the tin can sound of Ace's soloing and a little whammy or string bending is the best part of the whole song. I can picture people line dancing to this....stomping the heels of their cowboy boots on the wood floors as they turn with each verse.   D

7.  Watchin' You-  thin, sparse guitar to start.  A really heavy bass could've made this song huge.  when the second guitar hits the song takes off.  Song has multiple parts.  Most interesting thing on the album so far.  Vocals are pretty good even if a bit down in the mix and layered with multiple takes/tracks.  KISS does get a pretty good drum sound in the studio....sounds unmixed and raw...sort of a natural sound.  the guitars on this are pretty rugged.  After a close listen to this first two albums I will agree that I didn't give Ace and Peter their proper due as rock n' rollers.  A

8. Mainline -  potential in the opening riff and drums but song slips into total cheese.  bad tv show theme sound.  sucks donkey dick.  D-

9.  Comin' Home - more of a rocker than mainline or all the way but still sort of cheesy.  I expected more from an Ace composition.  Reminds me of Cheap Trick...but not as good.  Total elementary song structure.  That simple chorus breakdown is so basic and dull.  Any 15 year old with 3 months experience could fling this shit together.  D

 10.  Strange Ways- starts off dark and grimy...vocals are sleazy.  Great creeping riff...it's lurking just outside your door....waiting to get in.  Chorus is weak, especially the "bridge" before going back into the main verse.  But still a cool creeping groove to this one.  Criss even gives a few shrieking high notes in his vocal delivery.  Ace's lead solo is wicked...might be the best work he's laid down on either of the first two albums.  One of Metallica's recent criticisms is that they just write riffs and throw them together instead of composing songs.   Kiss was definitely the standard bearer for that...come up with a cool riff or two, build  song around it and then clunk a couple of weak bridges in between and have some chanting as a chorus that repeats a couple of times and boom, a song.   B-

Overall :  C

Kiss S/T Debut 1974

My friends Dave and Jamie are Kiss fans who think they deserve more respect from me.... so I'm giving them the Dilt Close Listening Treatment.

Kiss -  Kiss 1972
1.  Strutter-  Cool drum fill opening.  The bass has a cool groove that has a funk vibe to it.  The guitars are really raw and gritty...which I love.  Ace's leads are cool and every dude knows a "strutter" so that's a bonus in the lyric department.  A+

2.  Nothin' to Lose-  sounds like something that should be heard in a dirty, smoky barroom but that doesn't redeem it.  It's bloozey but sounds too much like the NY Dolls in a honky tonk.  It even has some piano and handclaps... C

3.  Firehouse -  cool riff but not strong enough to warrant an entire song built around it.  Also has a funky feel to it.  I do like the frequent stop/starts.  More interesting lead work by Ace.  Song just sort of slugs along without going anywhere.  C

4.  Cold Gin-  cool classic riff.  cool build up with bass and drums.  sounds slower than the live version and it suffers from it. needs to be picked up a bit.  Like the Death Angel version better.  Vocals are good.  In the same vein as Firehouse, cool riff but the song goes nowhere really slowly...don't get me wrong, I love classic rock but this album thus fair is fairly boring.  About three minutes in the song finally breaks into some cool guitar bits before launching back into the main riff but now that the momentum has picked up the song is finally rocking...still a little sludgey but still rocking .  The last minute redeems it.    B+

5.  Let Me Know - horrible.  Sounds like a broadway musical with terrible musicians....so far off broadway Chris Christie likes it.  Bad theatre....music.  the only thing worse than bad theatre music is church music....F

6.  Kissin' Time- disco before disco.  Total Cheese.  Feathered hair, camaros, long handled combs in the back pocket of jeans...total shit.  F

7.  Deuce -  Best song on the album thus far.  Total fucking balls out rock.  This is where KISS succeed instead of suck.  Great guitar , cool song structure....good vocals, gritty and tough.  This is rock n' roll.  Peter and Ace play their asses off together.  They might not be technical gods but the can still rock together.  A+ 

8.  Love Theme From Kiss -  What the fuck is this?  Bad Allman Brothers? It sounds like something a bunch of high dudes thought was cool when jamming out ...guess the album needed another track.  Still better than songs 5 and 6.  If i was listening on a turntable i'd turn the speed up thinking i had it on the wrong setting.  D

9.  100,000 years -  Starts off like an epic rocker.  If the bass were a bit plunkier and faster it could be the foundation of a Maiden song.  This is straight up 70s rock.  If i played in a bar band I'd cover this tune.  Stanley's vocals are the strongest on this album.  Ace's playing sounds good....guitars are raw.  Even Gene's bass sounds good.  Peter even gets a solo in.  Really like Stanley's singing when it's only the drums and him.  This really spotlights the whole band.  Again, another reminder of what they were capable of....A+

10.  Black Diamond -  cool soft little opening that leads to harsh guitar riffing....great raspy vocals by Criss...cool back up harmonies too. Fantastic guitar work....This is a guitar song.  This is a rock and roll song. Really like the contrast between the pretty harmonies and the rough edges in the music and Criss's vocals.  Tough lyrics too...this is what a NY band should sound like. That ending could've been taken off though...guess it fills time.    A+


Overall, as an album : C+/B-